On November 4, 2017 I began a leave of absence (LOA) that would turn out to last for two years.
The trigger for the LOA was my oldest son's Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnosis. Early intervention is key so having him slip through the cracks and only be diagnosed at age 13 was very unfortunate. See here for our path to diagnosis.
By the time we received the diagnosis it felt very late in the game and I needed to focus intensely on advocating for him.
During my LOA I...
Educated myself thoroughly about ASD by attending parent education sessions and viewing webinars, and primarily by being in the trenches. I registered with the Ontario Autism Program (OAP); connected with Autism Ontario; attended parent support groups; registered my son as a Vulnerable Person with the local police; tried and tried again to find respite providers (so difficult); coordinated video sessions to provide ABA therapy; personally fundraised in order to send my son to Autism focused agencies who would help him with executive functioning and social skills using ABA; protested the changes to the OAP which increased my son's time on the wait list from 12-18 months to 36 months; advocated tirelessly (interesting word because one does in fact become tired!) for him at school; and met with:
- classroom teachers
- special education resource teachers (SERT)
- head of special education
- staff from learning services: special education
- staff from student services: guidance, co-op, student success
- guidance counsellor
- two vice-principals
- two principals
- Identification, Placement, and Review Committee (IPRC) to have the school board provide an official identification of Autism Spectrum Disorder and Learning Disability in Written Communication
- two instructional program leaders for special education
- two psycho-educational consultants
- psychological coordinator for the school board
- school social worker
- language and speech pathologist (handles all aspects of communication)
- child and youth counsellor
- ABA consultant
- coordinated service planner
- autism consultant
Worked on my genealogy research.
Volunteered at my younger children's school. I mainly help the children switch out their home reading books and listen to them read. Taking two kids at a time it takes 2-3 hours to get through the whole class before starting over. I can observe my child's classroom behaviour and partner with their teacher in helping them with challenges. I also get to meet their classmates and get to know their friends. Volunteering has been a great way to have a presence in the school, get to know teachers and administrative staff, and - most importantly - show my children that I care about their learning!
Worked very part-time as a lunch supervisor for the kindergarten class at my children's school. This was such a fun experience. It is such a change to deal with little people's problems, there is truth to the maxim "little children, little problems; big children, big problems." It's great to be able to resolve small squabbles, share excitement over wiggly teeth, imagine chocolate soup made in the sandbox, get fresh air and exercise (especially on days when I'm pressed into service as a "goalie"), and generally feel like a celebrity with everyone calling your name and wanting to hold your hand or hug you. And I got paid for this!
Worked part-time in another library system a bit closer to home.
There were similarities between library systems:
- New CEO/Director (head honcho)
- Many changes at the leadership levels (Managers/Branch Supervisors)
- Short-staffing (17 % of positions vacant at closer one)
- Precarious work (82% part-time at closer to home; 56% at permanent location)
- Strong union leadership working to improve working conditions
There were also many contrasts between the library systems:
- My permanent library system has 18 branches, this one has 7.
- Permanent location communicates primarily via email; local one uses SharePoint and considers a daily email from a subordinate to their supervisor too much.
- Both are unionized but local one only in the past year (since May 2018). Management at the closer to home library doesn't seem to know how to lead in this environment and speaks of the union in hushed tones like it's a dirty word.
- Appalling lack of concern about health and safety at closer to home location. The employer was in violation by not having any first aid certified staff during many shifts from March to May. I had to call WSIB and get my union involved with HR in order to finally be sent for my First Aid certification.
- Minimum staff at permanent location is at least 3 people; at closer location is 2.
- Permanent location is in a larger city so has corporate security who can be called on to handle extra challenging customers or situations; closer to home library provides no recourse to staff and they are told to call the police if needed.
Working part-time taught me how hard it is for part-time workers to feel like they're in the loop and aware of what's going on at their location and in the system at large. It motivates me to make sure I communicate in multiple ways (verbally, whiteboard, printed info in their mailbox), not just via email since when they arrive for their shift they often hit the ground running.
Not working in the role I'm most suited for - let's just say it, being in charge - was challenging. I thought about how I lead people, whether in a paid or unpaid capacity, and it was at odds with what I was experiencing. I believe in open communication, providing people with as much information as I can in order to empower them in their work. I believe in taking time to listen to and get to know my staff so that I can understand what they're passionate about and how I can support them. I value the "fresh eyes" and creative ideas that new team members bring with them. My goal is to help people develop and grow and my experience is that in order for that to happen there needs to be an investment of time and communication.
After some number crunching and discussion with my husband, I'm looking at returning to my full-time position. I have my husband's support and that is a key element to me. It will be the first time that both parents are working full-time and it will be a new experience for all of us but there are a number of things that lead me to believe we will be successful:
- My husband works near home and the children's schools so there is still a parent locally who can jump in if there's an emergency.
- By November my children will be ages 15, 13, 10, and 8.
- All the children are now able to leave home for school in the morning without parental supervision. We have tested this a few times to make sure. The 13 year old walks the (currently) 9 and 8 year olds to the crossing guard and they walk through the park to school from there.
- The younger children are able to walk home from school on their own if needed. We have tried this a few times, however we prefer to pick them up since we can.
- The children are able to be at home on their own for a couple of hours with the (currently) 14 year old in charge. We have tested this. The two older children have their babysitter's course training.
- My union's collective agreement has strong language for LOAs so I will be able to take them as needed to provide childcare over the summer and to launch them into school in the Fall.
And so... on October 1, 2019, almost two years since I started my LOA, I plan to return to my full-time permanent position as Senior Librarian.
September 16-22, 2018
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
You know the story about putting the big rocks in the container first? In case you don't, here it is (Dr. Stephen R. Covey, First Things First):
One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration I’m sure those students will never forget. After I share it with you, you’ll never forget it either.
As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?" Everyone in the class said, "Yes." Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.
Then he smiled and asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was onto him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"
"No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good!" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"
One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!"
"No," the speaker replied, "that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all."
What are the big rocks in your life? A project that you want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these Big Rocks in first or you’ll never get them in at all.
Having gone through Carrie Lindsey's book last week, I had made my list of priorities and decided to write them down on "big rocks" to remind me. My "big rocks" for the next 12 months or so are Family, Spiritual, Home, Health, and Friends.
Using the "Make Anything Happen" book I also created my vision board. Among my goals is getting to my healthy weight by my birthday next year - doable at 1 pound per week if I watch my eating and add in some exercise. One of my strategies will be to get back into the Trim Healthy Mama recipes as they have worked for me in the past.
This week I enjoyed a coffee with a mom I've been wanting to sit down with. In spite of our cultural and religious differences we have much in common as we navigate parenthood and life with a "large" family - we each have four children.
Mid-week church programs started up for the kids and I oversaw the check-in and check-out process for 100 kids, making sure they were safely matched up to the correct guardian at the end of the night. The evening consists of a large group activity with a Bible lesson, followed by going off to the various electives - my kids chose the Athletics (DD) and Adventure (DS3) electives.
My Coordinated Service Planner and I had a check-in meeting with the Head of Special Education and the Instructional Program Leader, Special Education at DS1's high school. I was relieved to hear that DS1 is doing well socially and academically. He is participating in group work, mostly staying on task, and turning in most of his work.Another HUGE relief was hearing from the Instructional Program Leader (who is on the Autism Spectrum herself) that DS1 doesn't require the 30+ hours of ABA I thought he did. According to her 2-4 hours a week would be appropriate for him.
August 26-September 1, 2018
Sunday afternoon I paid a visit to my grandparents' and my brother-in-laws graves and left some flowers from my garden.
At night I attended my monthly meeting with the union executive plus one non-executive member who form our Labour Management team. We meet monthly to prepare for our upcoming meeting with Management. We discuss issues such as violations of the Collective Agreement, Grievances needing to be filed or escalated, adherence to the Employment Standards Act, Health and Safety, workplace concerns, and more. Through this process we represent our members to Management and ensure that they are able to enjoy the benefits of being members of a union.
DS1 had two ABA video sessions this week. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday he had his final 3 two hour Executive Functioning sessions. Unfortunately the agency has changed their hours and we won't be able to attend during the school year.
DH and I spent almost 2 hours at DS1's high school meeting with the special education teacher to do our best to give him a strong start at school. That was followed by a 45 walk-through of the school with DS1 so that he can find his way from class to class. The school is being renovated and I don't know how they're going to pull off having it set up for next week! I feel good about high school for him but am also anxious about how the first day and week will go.
The kids did a bit of swimming at a few of the local pools, however DS3 and DD will be repeating their swimming level for the 3rd (or is it 4th?) time in the Fall.
Friday I visited my work location and attended their staff meeting/potluck. One of my team members is retiring, one is starting maternity leave very soon, one celebrated his 10th anniversary in the library system, and one got temporarily promoted to fill in for the other's maternity leave! I was thankful to be included and to see everyone. I don't miss the work but I do miss my co-workers.
Saturday the whole family (minus the 2 oldest nieces) had an Indian themed get together at my sister's house as my mom had spent a couple of weeks in India this summer, including her 70th birthday! We each contributed something towards the Indian meal, then watched my mom's picture presentation before the kids enjoyed the pool.
Ever since DS1 was diagnosed with ADHD in Grade 3 someone has asked me why we don't medicate him. His recent ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis, the questions are coming again.
As parents, it falls squarely on our shoulders to do our best by our kids. We are both well-educated and my skills as a Librarian (my degree is a "Master of Information") allow me to research topics very thoroughly and discern the best sources.
Whether a parent has chosen to medicate their child with ADHD or ASD or not is a personal matter for them to decide with their partner or support system. This post is to explain how we arrived at our decision. I am not a medical professional, so please do your own due diligence in making your own decision.
After weighing the pros and cons, we chose not to medicate for ADHD. Our child did not seem to be "suffering" and our family doctor and the pediatric specialist we saw did not push us down the medication road.
With ASD, it actually became even clearer to us that not medicating was the right decision. It turns out that there aren't any drugs that are specifically for the core communication, social, and repetitive behaviour issues of ASD.
There are many articles that address this:
What Drugs Are Used for Treating Autism?, Applied Behavior Analysis, undated [emphasis mine]:
>>This task [detailed and specific regimens that have to be followed] can be more frustrating because there are currently no approved drugs available to treat the core communication, social, and repetitive behavior issues so commonly associated with autism. All prescriptions currently available simply work at the periphery of the real problems or otherwise represent doctors’ attempts to treat those conditions experimentally. Further, the common practice of prescribing a mixed cocktail of different medications for ASD has not been put through clinical trials. Many common drug combinations remain untested.
Understanding more about the types of medications that an ASD patient may be on can be important to both caregivers and therapists since both the capabilities and side effects of the drug may dramatically alter a person’s behaviors. There is also increasing concern, particularly with children on the spectrum, that the effects of psychotropic medications taken during the formative years can permanently stunt brain development.
Almost all of the drugs also have common side effects such as:
- Diarrhea and other stomach irritation
- Rashes, hives, and itching
- Dry mouth
- Fatigue
- Weight gain
<<
Medicines for Autism, WebMD, November 20, 2015 [emphasis mine]:
>>Medicines have a limited role in improving symptoms of autism.
There is no standard medicine for the treatment of autism.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued an advisory on antidepressant medicines and the risk of suicide.
But these medicines [haloperidol, risperidone, and thioridazine] can have side effects, including sleepiness, tremors, and weight gain. Their use is usually considered only after behavior management has failed to address the problem behaviors.<<
We are currently using ABA (Applied behaviour analysis) at home and it will be in place at school shortly so it is premature to be looking at medication.
Medicines for Treating Autism’s Core Symptoms, Autism Speaks, undated [emphasis mine]:
>>Medicines for treating autism are most effective when used in conjunction with behavioral therapies. Ideally, medicines are a complement to other treatment strategies.
Medicines for treating the three core symptoms of autism – communication difficulties, social challenges and repetitive behavior – have long represented a huge area of unmet need. Unfortunately, few drugs on the market today effectively relieve these symptoms and none of the options most often prescribed by practitioners work well for every individual.
In fact, while the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved two drugs for treating irritability associated with the autism (risperidone and aripiprazole), it has yet to approve a medicine for treating autism’s three core characteristics.<<
Autism's Drug Problem, Scientific American, April 24, 2017 [emphasis mine]:
>>Clinicians are particularly concerned about children with the condition because psychiatric medications can have long-lasting effects on their developing brains, and yet are rarely tested in children.
“Psychotropic medications are used pretty extensively in people with autism because there aren’t a lot of treatments available,” says Lisa Croen, director of the Autism Research Program at Kaiser Permanente in Oakland, California. “Is heavy drug use bad? That’s the question. We don’t know; it hasn’t been studied.”
No existing medication treats the underlying condition.
The core characteristics of autism include repetitive behaviors, difficulty with social interactions and trouble communicating. Therapy can help, but no medication so far can improve these problems. Instead, drugs merely treat some of the peripheral features — ADHD, irritability, anxiety, aggression, self-injury — that make life challenging for people with autism.<<
