Growing up as an MK (missionary kid) losses were woven into the fabric of my life. Loss of home, neighbourhood, friends, family, relationships, sense of identity, country.
In 8 years I lived in 2 countries, 2 provinces, 2 states, how many cities? I attended multiple schools, made and lost friends. Was unable to attend the funerals of my 3 great-grandparents' and my baby brother.
24 years after returning to the land of my birth I still experience these losses. In the lack of relationships with cousins, aunts, and uncles. In the driving need to research my genealogy and establish roots. In my avoidance of developing friendships.
I am triggered and respond disproportionately when ministry leaders follow a new path God is leading their families on. It's not just that I'm sad that they're leaving. No, I'm devastated at my personal loss. I feel broken and angry at God. Why is he taking away yet another woman who nurtured me, invested in me, loved me?
At my previous church: children's pastor, two small group leaders. My grandmother passed away on March 11 this year (I can't even blog about yet). Now my current children's pastor is moving across the country. I also have to help my oldest transition to a change to his Jr High leader.
I will go from broken and devastated to numb and shut down. It always hurts so much.
