Responding to children & families who are experiencing loss

Notes from session at Blown Away Children & Family Ministries Conference in April 2019

"Because Life Can Be Messy: Responding to children/families who are experiencing loss," by Rev. Cheryl Ettinger, BTH; BA; MA (Counselling), Registered Psychotherapist

• About 75 % of people in a congregation are grieving loss at any given time
• Toddlers and infants do grieve - if you are big enough to love, you are big enough to grieve
• Children can handle what they know, they can't handle what they don't know
• Pre-existing risk factors such as learning challenges and anxiety influence a child's ability to cope
• Your body remembers trauma - you may be upset at a certain time of year

Remember: 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 New International Version (NIV)

Resources:

Dealing with death

Preschool (ages 2-4)

Good Bye Moussie, by Robie Harris, 2001 (death of a pet)

Lifetimes, by Brian Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. Bantam Books, 1983

It Must Have Hurt a Lot, by Doris Sanford. Multinomah Press, 1986 (death of a pet)

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, by Leo Buscaglia. Henry Holt and Company, 1982

Badger's Parting Gifts, by Susan Varley. Lothrop, Lee & Shephard Books, New York, 1984

Never Say Goodbye, by Lea Gillespie Gant. Tommy Nelson: Nashville, Tenn., 2003

The Memory Tree, by Britta Teckentrup. Orchard Books, 2013

Young Children (ages 5-8)

When Dinosaurs Die, by Laurie Kransy Brown & Marc Brown, Little Brown & Company, 1996

I Miss You, by Pat Thomas. Barron's Educational Series, Inc., 2001

Sad Isn't Bad, by Michaelene Mundy. One Caring Place, 1998

My Guardian Angel in my Mourning, by Regina Ann Shay, 1996

The Brightest Star, by Kathleen Maresh Hemery, 1998

When Your Grandparent Dies, by Victoria Ryan. One Caring Place, 2002

Mad Isn't Bad, by Michaelene Mundy, One Caring Place, 1999

Lighthouse, by Robert Munsch. North Winds Press, 2003

Older Children (ages 9-12)

My Mom is Dying, by Jill Westbert McNamara. Augsburg Press, 1994

Sarah's Grandma Goes to Heaven, by Maribeth Boelts. Zondervan, 2004

Healing Your Grieving Heart for Kids, by Alan Wolfelt. Companion Press, 2001

Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss, by Pat Schwievert & Chuck DeKlyen, 1999

Everett Anderson's Goodbye, by Lucille Clifton. Henry Holt Press, 1983

Someone I love Died, by Christine Harder Tangvald. Chariot Books, 1988

Balloons for Trevor, by Anne Good Cave. Concordia Publishing House, 1988

Emma Says Goodbye, by Carolyn Nystrom. Lion Publishing Company, 1990

If Nathan Were Here, by Mary Bahr. Eerdmans Books, 2000

My Grandma Has gone to Heaven, by Alex S. Foxhall. Christian Art Publishers, 2002

Teens
Death is Hard to Live With, by Janet Bode. New York, 1993
Teenagers Talk About Grief, by June Cerza Kolf. Baker Book House, 1990