Loss

On Saturday my mom, my siblings, and our families took part in a 5K walk to raise awareness and funds to fight Lewy Body Dementia. We did this in honour of my grandfather, Papa, who suffered from this disease and passed away a year ago in April.




On Tuesday morning I found out that a gentleman who had taught three of my children some of their first Bible verses passed on Sunday away at the age of 83. This sweet man was a "Cubbies" leader through the AWANA program at a local church. 

Tuesday afternoon a staff member came in to work crying and distraught because her neighbour's 62 year old husband had passed away and she had just found out. Another staff member was triggered and also began crying.

When a different staff member arrived this morning I knew something was wrong. "Are you ok? Are you in pain?" I asked. Her 32 year old nephew had passed away in India, leaving a young child behind. I held her as she wept in my arms, grieving so deeply.

So much loss, so much grieving. It has triggered grief in me too. Not only for the loss of those who no longer walk this Earth, but even more for those who do.

I am a third culture kid, a TCK, and loss is part of my life. In my childhood I learned what it is to become attached and then lose special people and places. In my adulthood I grieve the loss of relationships with aunts, uncles, cousins. As if that weren't enough, my parents formally separated this year. I don't even know where my Dad lives.

Review: Only Time Will Tell

Only Time Will Tell by Jeffrey Archer
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

4 stars. Now I'm dying to read the rest of the Chronicles to find out what else happens to these characters!

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Review: Underground Airlines

Underground Airlines by Ben H. Winters
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

4 stars. Interesting concept that I think has a universal application. Thought provoking and would lend itself to discussion at book club.

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Review: Fugitive Pieces

Fugitive Pieces by Anne Michaels
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

2.5 stars. Interesting... it felt disjointed. I also never like books where spouses cheat on each other so that spoiled it for me.

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Almost a year

Today I stopped by the long term care centre where Papa spent the last 5 years of his life. In a couple of weeks it will be a year since he's been fine. I miss him so much. There is a huge hole in me from the loss of my grandfather. He meant so much so much to me. He believed in me, listened to me, taught me, cared for new, encouraged me. He was the roots in my life, the story of where I came from. Sometimes I feel so adrift without him. He was my anchor.

I listen to my son play the piano, improvising different ways to play the song. I know Papa would be so proud. He would've sat there and played along, embellishing and adding to the masterpiece, beaming proudly at his great-grandson. Papa would've loved to hear my son's thoughts about math, would've been fascinated by his conclusion that math is in everything. Would've encouraged him and discussed new ideas. My oldest son's descriptions of electrons and neutrons would've been welcomed. My daughter's love of singing. All these things are gifts from my grandfather. Reminders of him in my life. And they make me miss him even more.

I thank God that Papa's days of suffering with Lewy Body Dementia are over. But I miss him so much.

 

Tea Time

I had the day off work today (in preparation for a 6 day work week next week) so decided to have some quality "lady time." I booked my 6 year old daughter off school and we drove the 30 minutes or so to visit my grandmother, Nanny.

Nanny turns 95 this month and I thank God that she is in such good health. At her age her eyesight is weak due to macular degeneration,  going down steps is hard, and walking leaves her winded, but other than that she's great! She is sound of mind, able to get around, and such a delight to be with.

My daughter and I surprised her and took her out for tea at a fancy little place she loves. This tea room is known for their homemade scones, served warm and accompanied by strawberry jam and Devon cream. Mmmm, so good! How lovely to catch up with each other in this special setting.

After dropping Nanny back off at her apartment, my daughter and I stopped by my grandfather's grave on the way home. We had an opportunity to talk a lot about what it means to die. That our bodies are just shells for what matters most, our spirits. How being Christians means that we'll see our loved ones again in Heaven if they have asked Jesus to be their Savior.

My daughter may have missed a little math or spelling at school today, but she won't remember that. What I hope she'll remember is special time with her mom and great-grandmother, and an important conversation about eternity.