Wednesday, October 26, 2016
On Saturday my mom, my siblings, and our families took part in a 5K walk to raise awareness and funds to fight Lewy Body Dementia. We did this in honour of my grandfather, Papa, who suffered from this disease and passed away a year ago in April.
On Tuesday morning I found out that a gentleman who had taught three of my children some of their first Bible verses passed on Sunday away at the age of 83. This sweet man was a "Cubbies" leader through the AWANA program at a local church.
Tuesday afternoon a staff member came in to work crying and distraught because her neighbour's 62 year old husband had passed away and she had just found out. Another staff member was triggered and also began crying.
When a different staff member arrived this morning I knew something was wrong. "Are you ok? Are you in pain?" I asked. Her 32 year old nephew had passed away in India, leaving a young child behind. I held her as she wept in my arms, grieving so deeply.
So much loss, so much grieving. It has triggered grief in me too. Not only for the loss of those who no longer walk this Earth, but even more for those who do.
I am a third culture kid, a TCK, and loss is part of my life. In my childhood I learned what it is to become attached and then lose special people and places. In my adulthood I grieve the loss of relationships with aunts, uncles, cousins. As if that weren't enough, my parents formally separated this year. I don't even know where my Dad lives.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Today I stopped by the long term care centre where Papa spent the last 5 years of his life. In a couple of weeks it will be a year since he's been fine. I miss him so much. There is a huge hole in me from the loss of my grandfather. He meant so much so much to me. He believed in me, listened to me, taught me, cared for new, encouraged me. He was the roots in my life, the story of where I came from. Sometimes I feel so adrift without him. He was my anchor.
I listen to my son play the piano, improvising different ways to play the song. I know Papa would be so proud. He would've sat there and played along, embellishing and adding to the masterpiece, beaming proudly at his great-grandson. Papa would've loved to hear my son's thoughts about math, would've been fascinated by his conclusion that math is in everything. Would've encouraged him and discussed new ideas. My oldest son's descriptions of electrons and neutrons would've been welcomed. My daughter's love of singing. All these things are gifts from my grandfather. Reminders of him in my life. And they make me miss him even more.
I thank God that Papa's days of suffering with Lewy Body Dementia are over. But I miss him so much.